Liberated...

Let's start by saying the month of June was joyful and strenuous.  I was working full-time, going to school full-time, and attempting to have some type of life all while maintaining a relationship that was unmistakeably broken.  Some things are just not worth fixing or holding on to no matter have bad you want them.

My intuition provided a subtle hint that life was going to change drastically after I met my favorite artist, Erykah Badu.  I know many people think she is a nut, but it is only because she is too real and so true to herself.  As I hugged her after taking my picture, she whispered, "It is no coincidence that we are meeting each other today."  This is a statement that she echoed during her entire meet and greet.  I understand that she is a symbol of empowerment and understanding what it really means to love yourself. 

After meeting her, I realized that I needed to understand what makes me happy and what doesn't.  As I began to take an introspective look at things, I realized that I have been unhappy in my relationship for a long time.  Misery had nestled so deep in my soul until I did not notice a change in my aura.  However, everyone else did.  Thankfully, my ex-boyfriend made my decision to leave easier once I learned of the complete disregard for the relationship and me from a social networking site.  I am not going to sit here and lie like that didn't hurt.  It stung for a minute, but my mother and my little brother happened to be staying with me during that time.  Their support and love eased the pain.  Even though, I do not have a romantic type of love for my family, I know that love does not hurt, and it is not negligent.

As I begin to evolve, I went through some very strange emotions. I learned somethings about myself and others in my inner circle; some things were so obvious I never noticed them before. Can love really be that blind? But I digress, and I will save that for another posting.

Shortly after terminating my amorous avocation, I received my Master's in Engineering Management. I was surrounded by family and friends; and for the first time in months, I was relieved, I was happy.  My happiness was short-lived once my family left.  It gave me too much time to analyze everything that transpired over the last few months.  I will admit being in a relationship makes one too comfortable with bullshit (and no there is not better word other than bullshit for what I am describing...sorry).  Don't get me wrong, I have beautiful memories from the relationship, but in this case, the ugly stuff between us was a ugly as the little creature on the Lord of the Rings. 

I went through withdrawal from having a normal fix of human contact, but even that was short-lived.  I talked it out with friends and I cried it out with God and I started my healing process.  During the midst of this soul searching, God revealed all is glory and beauty to me.  I was awestruck by the sight of a brilliant rainbow with lightning striking around it.  As conceited as it may sound, I felt that it was a reflection of beauty and power, a reflection of me.

Needless to say, once I began to recover, I was faced with another hurdle, the death of distance friend.  We would chat occasionally through social networking mediums and talk about our lives and how we should all get together. I selfishly thought had more time and that time is on my side.  Sometimes it isn't.  Patience is a virtue, but time is constantly wasting.  We really do not have until tomorrow to tell people how we feel or that we love them.

That was the month of June...

Jobs search engines and profile pics - what's really good?!?

The clock on my current location is winding down.  For those who know me personally, know the situation concerning my need to get away.  Yes, I have a confession to make, I am a runner. When things get to where I can't stand them, I leave. Don't judge me!

Now back to the main issue...

In my recent search for a new place to call home, I noticed an interesting trend on career sites.  I am not going to name the sites right now because I am not up on all that legal crap. But it's one of the popular ones.  They have an option to post a picture to your profile.  Now I get why this option seems like a great idea.  I mean why  not all of the social networking sites are doing it.  But is it really? Is my appearance as important as my credentials?  I understand companies hire people who they feel properly represent them but let's examine this more closely.  Are individuals who are aesthetically pleasing more likely to get more opportunities than their less appealing counterparts?  What about who is more qualified?  Yes, you make think I am reading to far into this, but I know it happens.  I have seen posts on this before and it seems to be a steadily growing trend.  This also applies to race identification as well.  I am a Black American female and I know individuals who remove identifiers from their resumes in hopes to sterilize it.  This is usually accomplished by removing all the black professional societies or abbreviating names to something less boisterous.  So if we have to go through this already, why why would we upload a photograph to increase the probability of getting overlooked by an employer based on appearance.  This could lead to another level of racial profiling.  Anyways, I personally like to see the expression on a hiring manager's face when the credentials on the resume culminates into someone totally unexpected.  The interviewers spend the entire time trying to get over the initial shock.  Posting my photo gets rid of the excitement for me.

So NO!!! I am not uploading my picture during my job search.  I want to be chosen by the skills listed in black as it appears on the screen.  I am not going to make the decision for them that easy...I'm just saying...

More than 3 wishes

I want to call this a poem but it is more of an expression of what I am feeling and thinking about everything that affects me and the ones closest to me. But it's primarily autobiographic....
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There is nothing a genie in a bottle can do for me
Because I have way more wishes than three

I wish that you see my beauty without mentioning the few extra pounds
Because when you make the statement you are a pretty girl, but...everything after the but is all I hear
Leaving me empathizing with Smokey's Tears of a Clown
I don't need you to insult me with compliments

I wish I had guard dogs to watch my heart
Maybe you would have approached me more cautiously for fear of the bite when you heard them bark

I wish I could read the inside of your mind like a textbook so that I can study for understanding in hopes to one day become an expert in your subject.
I wish for a freaky Friday so we can occupy each others space so for once you can empathize with the issues I face.
Creating the ultimate bond so that you finally feel me and
Understand why the uncertainty of us is slowly killing me.

I wish love, patience and agony didn't go hand and hand but some way i know 2 of the 3 always prevail I just hope it's not the latter.

I wish life was a recordable VHS with a VCR and a remote to capture all the great memories erasing all the bad to rewind to relive the fun times and fast forward thru the difficult ones or better yet what if the only functioning button was play leaving us free to completely enjoy the fantasies life has to offer, suspended in reverie.

I wish I could shield our youth to preserve their innocence
Reality tv has crowded and exploited their minds with manufactured fantasies leaving behind distorted visions of life's reality.

I wish that a pharmaceutical company would create a little green pill that suppresses that green-eyed monster known as jealousy. This drug may not save lives but it would have saved a few of my friendships.

Maybe I should change the word wish to pray. Prayers are much more powerful anyways.
God's power is proven and unbounded while the genie is enclosed in a vessel only to present himself when stroked.

So I pray He takes all my wishes away...

The Entrance

So everyone is on this blogging kick...so I may as well join too.  This is just an intro to one of the many ways that I will express myself while working towards finishing my book of expressions.  I know it sounds strange, but I am an artist and I have many ways of conveying a message.  I have never really been structured nor disciplined so why would a reflection of me be contained within a box.  I don't check inside the box; instead I color and make designs around all of them just to piss people off.  Please do not contain me to a stereotype.  The name is SoCo...I am different: always have been and always will be.